In my post from 31 May, The Smile Behind the Mask, I mentioned I would write about the conscious use of our words and listening with intent. What I meant by this is how we chose to communicate, as in the style, and if we are listening to the content, or are we listening to the style.
I have been involved and seen many conversations where the listener was purely focused on the style of the speaker. Listening this way, has the potential for the listener to miss out on some important content, for example constructive feedback, not having the ability to understand why the speaker may be frustrated, or having clarity, just to name a few.
For the speaker, if you are not ready with the content or if you have a certain style of speaking that can be ‘off putting’, then most likely your listener is not listening.
As usual, I have been on the wrong side of listening and speaking. When I was the listener focused on style, I missed out on the content that was important, meaning the learning. When I was the speaker that focused on style, then I never connected with my listener, which meant I missed out in teaching. Over time, I have learned to not get pulled into the emotion of the conversation but to really focus on the content so I can be an effective listener and speaker. Because of this, I have learned so much more and I was able to bring the conversation to what the real issue was.
So, what is the right starting point, to listen to the content or to focus on your style? It is really up to you because you need both to have an effective dialogue. The path I have taken as a listener, is to first focus on the content and get this right. As a speaker and to be an effective leader, I know that style can make or break a teaching moment.
We are humans, we are emotional, and we are imperfect; but never let style take away a learning point and be conscious of your style if you want to connect with your audience.
thought for the week 
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