Time and Reflecting

At many points in our life, we all say “I wish I had more time”

We want the time to finish work, to exercise, to enjoy our hobbies, to try something new, to read … time to spend doing whatever it is that we enjoy and/or tasks to accomplish.

We also realize that we need more time to spend with loved ones, especially the ones we have not given enough of our time to, as well as to stop and regroup our thoughts, our mind and our actions … time to give to whatever it is that we as humans really need.

These days, what I enjoy most about the time that I have had is to be with loved ones, friends, colleagues, reading, playing tennis and to reflect.

But like most things, there are two sides to the coin.

With time, comes reflection. Reflecting can be so powerful. One concept I learned at Bridgwater Associates (Ray Dalio) is that:

PAIN + REFLECTION = GROWTH

At a recent presentation I made at a company offsite, I spoke about the PAIN I experienced in not making the ‘18-month’ mark at Bridgewater. But if I had not spent the time to reflect on what were my responsibilities for not making it, I would have never grown as a person and an employee. It took me a number of months to realize where I failed. Once I figured it out, it was a huge release for me and it set me free to grow from that experience. Even my wife noticed the change in me. When she asked me what I learned, I told her that you need to embrace your failures. She then gave me a huge hug, and walked away … for those that know me, you will know that this is a Dad Joke!!

• The PAIN is the mistake or the failures one makes. 
• The REFLECTION is the why or how it happened. But the key here is in reflecting on your responsibilities, and not to blame it on someone else, a process or the company. We all have some responsibility in our mistakes.
• The GROWTH is the learning

But having too much time to reflect is the other side of the coin, the dark side of the coin. The more time you spend here, the harder it is for you to get out of this space and move on. You need to reflect but you cannot let it control you. So how do you get out of it?

This is where you find the value of your networks. We all have, or should have, several networks that we lean in on when we need them. There is your ‘challenge network’ (Adam Grant), our most trustful and thoughtful critics. These are the people who really know who you are, those who will be honest becasue they care for your success and will help you grow. We have our ‘support network’ who are there for you during the hard times. They care for you, they help you think of your next actions – reminding you who you are, and they cheer you up during tough times. 

My networks are made up of family, former bosses and business colleagues, friends and even new relationships that really know the ‘why’ of their roles has to do with the human side of their job. These networks have been invaluable to me during the darker times. 

The best advice I have received from this network was to remind me who I am, and to use that as guidance on my next steps (thank you Ben).

A couple of excerpt and quotes from the book Eleven Rings – The Soul of Success, which I recently read and is one of my all time favorite books, that may also help:

• Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. The point being: Stay focused on the task at hand rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.
• Being present in the moment as much as possible, not weighed down by thoughts of the past or the future.
• “Forget mistakes, forget failures, forget everything, except what you are going to do now and do it. Today is your lucky day” – Will Durant
• “We are all failures – at least the best of us” – J.M. Barrie

https://thought-for-the-week.com