As a manager and leader, there will always come a time when a ‘tough’ conversation needs to happen. What a ‘tough’ conversation is will be based on how we each define it, who you are having the conversation with, how much experience one has in having these conversations and of course the situation of the person ‘across the table’. So how do you handle tough conversations?
There is no one method to use, as each conversation is situational; but there is a framework that I have found to be helpful, and that is knowing what your intentions are in having the conversation.
I have always found it helpful to set my mind frame to understand the intention I want to have out of the ‘tough’ conversation. In doing this, I find that my intention will guide me in finding the right words to say. The conversation will still be difficult, but taking the time to think through your intentions will make your words honest and help lead you to achieving your intentions.
Depending on the circumstances, it may help to have an experienced person with you to hear your words, see the reaction and help course correct if the words are not matching your intention. The goal is to grow as a leader, and hopefully an empathetic leader. Sometimes to achieve this, it helps to have someone by your side.
The ‘difficult’ conversation also becomes easier if the person receiving the conversation, has been prepared – meaning that they have received meaningful, objective and open (i.e. two way conversation) feedback. The longer you wait, because you think it will go away or become easier, the harder it gets (see video below)
Powerful ideas:
- Norms arise out of core beliefs. These norms are deeply embedded within organizations and shape the unconscious, taken-for-granted behaviours that constitute the essence of organizational culture. – Edgar Schein, professor emeritus at MIT
- “Choose the harder right, instead of the easier wrong”, West Point Cadet Prayer
- Kara Lawson, Duke University Women’s Basketball coach: Handle Hard Better
thought for the week 